there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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