My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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