everyone is single if you try hard enough
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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