Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
