i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
either way he was missing a nipple.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
