How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
