dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
