I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
