he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
