can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
