and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
