I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
