I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
