I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
