you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
