3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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