I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
