If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
