I am in a vortex of obligation.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
