my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
