Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Randomize
