That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
