It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
