my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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