Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
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