I cockslap morals
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
is wine microwaveable?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
