wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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