then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
