Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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