I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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