so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
