he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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