a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
