You're completely useless in the revolution.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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