im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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