Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
My breasts were aching with rage.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
