i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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