Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
