Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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