Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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