i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
