guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
