remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Randomize
