I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
