she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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