ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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