We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
