Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
