she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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