I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
