OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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