he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
