Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
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