if you like me you must not know who I am
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
