yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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