He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
