Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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