I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
