so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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